Thursday, January 29, 2009

Says Ike to Tina: "Don't be so crabby!"

This week marks the first anniversary of the death of my beloved hermit crabs, Ike and Tina. They didn’t live a long life, by any means, but they did leave their mark on the world.

It all started when Nicole and I were in Nags Head, the second weekend in September, 2007. I decided after much deliberation that I was ready to open my home to a hermit crab or two. We went to Wings and there were SOOOO many hermit crabs to choose from. I wanted a boy and a girl (at least shell-wise…I have no idea how to tell a hermit crabs sex). I decided to make it easy and get one pink crab with one blue crab.

Duet names kept flowing through my brain: Captain ‘n Tennille, John and Yoko, Sonny and Cher, Garfield ‘n Otie, Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton… you get the idea. Ultimately I chose Ike and Tina. There was just such a spark between the two of them. Explosive, even. That weekend proved to be a challenge for the newly-bought hermits. A tropical storm careened into the Outer Banks, and even though Ike and Tina were safe in their plastic palace with food and a wet sponge, they obviously worried about all of their crab relatives out there in the sand-holes on the beach.

I was just glad I saved them from immenent death by being the off-season hermit crabs at Wings.

We left Nags Head the next morning, and once we were home, Ike and Tina settled into daily life. They loved being taken out of their cage and roaming free, and soon learned that Hazel sniffing their shells was not anything to panic about.

Unfortunately, in January of 2008, I found Ike and Tina had passed away. The details of this tragedy have been buried so deep in my subconscious that I cannot even talk about it. So please don’t ask. A beach burial was in order, so after work one afternoon Nicole, Bly and I met at Buckroe Beach in Hampton for a short service. I will be eternally grateful to Nicole and Bly for braving the 30 degree weather that day. It was only fitting that we were all together again, remembering our times at the beach the previous September. We buried them in the sand, and painted a tombstone on the seawall by the second volleyball post.

A few tears were shed, mostly involuntarily due to the gale force winds, but we have since moved on. I know that Ike and Tina are in crab-heaven surfing warm waves and bathing in the sun. R.I.P Ike and Tina September 8, 2007 – January 30, 2008.

Monday, January 26, 2009

my reaction to seeing a unicorn...

This is how I would react if I were to ever see a unicorn:

Valentine's Day on a McBudget

Since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, I thought I’d offer some ideas for romancing your special someone. Obviously, things like The Melting Pot, Cartier diamonds, and the ***Lelo Pleasure Object*** are great ideas, but in case you haven’t noticed, we are in a recession. Here are some ideas for a budget-friendly Valentine’s Day that is sure to leave your partner speechless:


Start the evening off right. Go to McDonalds and purchase a bunch of McNuggets. Cut them into heart-shapes. Make sure to have a variety of McDonald’s dipping sauces to try. Some locations may charge you extra for the sauce, but it’s worth it. There are people out there who are prone to have a melt-down without sweet ‘n sour sauce, only to find them at the bottom of the bag, and you just do not want to deal with that on V-day. If you absolutely can’t afford the extra sauces, just go in 5 seperate times and tell them you forgot to ask for sauce when you went through the drive-thru “just a minute ago.”

Romance movies: With movie tickets at $10 each, who can afford dinner and a movie anymore? If you can’t even afford to rent a DVD, just go to your local public library and check one out- it’s FREE with a library membership. Click here to find your local public library. Need ideas for the perfect movie? rated their top 10 V-day Movies:
1. Casablanca (1942)
2. Notting Hill (1999)
3. It Happened One Night (1934)
4. Romeo and Juliet (1968)
5. West Side Story (1961)
6. French Kiss (1995)
7. Like Water for Chocolate (1993)
8. A Room With a View (1986)
9. The Princess Bride (1987)
10. Gone with the Wind (1939)
In the coming days I will post my own top 10 movies for Valentine’s Day!

The Bath Seat

I was standing in line at my Rite Aid pharmacy and saw this. A man behind me in line sees it at the same time and says to his super attractive girlfriend “I could think of a bunch of ways to use that.” I thought to myself, “how clever! This guy really knew how to stretch his budget!” No way is he going to spend $300 on some scary sex swing. And, if he happens to have a grandma or grandpa on Medicare he could probably snag one for FREE!

The Conair Heat Massage Tool

I don’t think further description is necessary. Also available at your local Rite Aid.

Those are just some ideas for creating a special and memorable Valentine’s Day. If you think of something I have left out, please add your suggestions to the comments section.

P.S. Have you had your Pat Smear this year?

Friday, January 23, 2009

First let me introduce myself:

My name is not “Humpty pronounced with an UMpty”. It’s Amber. I have joined the masses and started a blog, partly because I was inspired by Adam starting a blog, partly because of my blog-tastic friends Brian and Bradley, but mostly because of a man I saw yesterday while eating lunch at Panera Bread. This man had the craziest mustache I’ve ever seen. I attempted to capture it on my camera phone but I was sitting too far away. As I left Panera, I said to myself, “I need to start a blog.” This, my friends and foes, is how my blog was born. I figured as much crap as there is on the internet (including my indestructible Myspace page), surely there is room for one more blog.

Then came the issue of naming my blog. Because my long-time friend Adam just created not one, but TWO blogs in the past two weeks, I turned to him for some guidance to get my creative naming juices flowing. Here are some of our/mostly Adam’s suggestions (these are completely random and silly so please do not judge):
• “Je ne sais quoi” (French phrase meaning “I know not what”) Adam suggested this one, which was very clever, but I didn’t want to take his idea. I believe he may use it for something exciting in the future on his own blog.
• “Writing through the desert on a blog with no name” I came up with this one. Clever huh? The song just popped into my brain, and I pictured myself riding across the desert on a horse, with pen and paper and no name for my blog :( boo hoo.

• “Like Lionel Ritchie, I can blog it all night long.” LOVE this.
• “Who are you, green and white socks?” Ok. This one is definitely the most random. But I was thinking about shows I used to love, and I thought of Jim Henson’s Muppet Babies. LOVED that show, but I always wondered, who the hell is this nanny character with the green and white socks? She is never revealed! I even checked wiki and she was NEVER revealed.
• “Sweet blog o’ mine” Adam again. I could’ve pasted my face onto Axl Rose’s sweet chubby-white-boy braids.
• “MacBlog” Since my last name is MacArthur. I could’ve had the slogan “Just dropping MacBlog’s off at the pool”. Yeah, I know, classy.
• “Bloggers ate your baby…” (said in an Australian accent)
• “Make my blog” (said in a macho voice)
• “Blog of unusual size” …directly related to the R.U.S.’s in The Princess Bride (my all-time fave movie).

Those are some of the ideas for my blog name. How did you get to “Avenging Unicorn”, you ask? Well, 1. I love unicorns. It’s been said: “Unicorns are simultaneously really nerdy and really awesome.” 2. There is a toy called The Avenging Unicorn that is perhaps the coolest unicorn-themed toy in the world. 3. The Last Unicorn is one of my favorite movies. You can refer to reason #1 to find out why I love it so much.

So that’s it! This blog will by no means be limited to talk of unicorns and all things related. I will be featuring my Panera Bread friend and his cool mustache on an upcoming blog, as well as a blog about ‘boomin grannies’, featuring the NY Nets Senior Dance team. Because I know how much you all love Fu Manchu rides and booty-shakin grandma’s, it’s in your best interest to stay tuned.